otanjoubi omedeto gozaimasu, if you* even know what i mean.
okay shut down !
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Saturday, October 27, 2007
i changed my template ! finally.
just finished drinking and playing some inhouse poker game. $50 ! not bad but i feel bad winning people's money. i feel so drowsy now so feel like sleeping.
i can't really remember what to rant because today is just not the day to rant, so especially is tomorrow. but i do remember thing though, seriously don't judge by the book by the cover. like what monie said, sometimes paperback and hardcover books have the same materials, just that the packaging is different. somewhat reminds me of people how they might have different faces, prettier or not, ugllier or not. they might just be as shitty as the nightmares you have in your life.
kinda drowsy now, btw that last entry i was just bullshitting cause i didn't know what to write. hahahahaha. i just want to watch some movies, and i have this - secret- great plan ahead, people will say why bother telling things halfway, thats like so fucked up, plus the fact since i said its a secret why the hell am i publishing, BUT.
hahaha i don't care fuck off assholes i can write whatever i want so just mind your damn ass businesssssss zxzxzxzx. i must be too drowsy to type or something !
took great deal ( not exactly) brain storming for the bg took longer than i thought. not that i really like a lot or anything but i find the words meaningful. i know its outta point.
question 1.
whats the point of the blog? for me to label the shitties things in life.
im tired and i can't even write. byeee
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
mann. its been dead long ssince anyone called me
fucking slutty whore ! man must have hit jackpot ! im so tired my eyes couldn open.
sometimes i just don't know what to do with criticism. walking away from it is so tough at times, i just don't know how to handle it. walk away with a smile and forget about it. or walk away with a smile and go home brood and start doing something about it. either way, you can't just voice your opinion out there against other people's comment.
being hypocritical is not necessarily a bad thing, even walking away nodding when you don't really agree with it is part of hypocrisy.
i wished i cut myself. actually.
i wished i could cut myself.
actually i wished i could cut out a piece of flesh ! then i would weigh lesser ! HAHA. but i realized its impossible.
sometimes i wonder why when people can do the same actions, yet the outcome and the results are different. naturally, even when you have the same results, people will look at it differently. its just so unfair.
forget it why bother grumbling, its not as if things will ever change. living for the moment seems to be alot better than living for the future, cause you just never know what will happen tomorrow.
AAAAH
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Saturday, October 20, 2007
i guess it happens all the time.
when you're happy enjoying the current moment or should i say that when you are living in a dream ( i dont know whether its a dream ) and someone will pull you back to the reality. its just like how you being in a cold water and thrown the hot water, and how you get thrown out of the hot water to the cold water. that instant shock on your skin and nerves, that feeling is perhaps the closest to it. i hate it when people do it to me. reality and fantasy has such a big difference, the moment you step over to either side too much, you'll just get sucked into it so badly- sometimes to the extent you can't get out.
how can you live happily, yet thinking about the future. wished i had a - think positive- pill or something that if i eat it and i would think positive about the future? hahaha. saw it once though in cost-co, can't imagine the side effects. 1year to graduation, life is going to be different again.
every summer is the season whereby things around me changes again, its a love and hate season. my roommate said to me, live for your dream or something like that. sometimes i wonder how can dreams keep you alive. i rather someone take away from me totally, so i could focus on the reality.
being able to see both side isnt really a good thing i guess, imagine you have a dream but you know that its not realistic and you can never achieve it. thats so dumbass shit and makes your life even more shitty.
sometimes i asked myself if i should ever try to lead a life different from this, or should i just keep it like this or rather say.- downgrade to a life that is even more normal. i really wished at times that life had a answerbook, so we could see the answers to it, then we wouldn't have to make so many mistakes in life.
give me a time machine to change the past?
i rather you give me money to solve my stomach ! ha !
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Thursday, October 18, 2007
today is clearly a bad day, how can i find my ipod in the washing machine/ dryer. BUT thank god it worked on my new ipod radio, the screen is cracked so its more like ipod shuffle.
friends come and go, sometimes i wonder why god has to take away things that i treasure ( not the most ). or is it because its not the most that i treasured, hes giving it away.
sometimes i wished my hands were bigger. - hands, that could grasp more things at one shot, there is just so much we could hold in our hands, friends this that this that this that and piak! the moment you change it to pick up another thing, something else just falls away unknowingly.
i don't know what to write now cause my stomach is killing me cause YOU didnt EAT so i DIDNT GET TO EAT TOO but thanks to YOU, maybe i'll just burn off the extra FATS HAHAHAHA.
im so sleepy and tired and i dont know what to write. so many things to be happy about, yet i can't feel happy. honestly, sometimes i miss being sad. i just feel that its not right to be so happy, or rather perhaps its becuase im happy for the wrong reasons in life. for example, how happy i am enjoying my life away, not studying, not sleeping the right way, spending the money the wrong way.
man. i love the feeling to be alive, but i hate to be living it this way.
&
disgusted. ( for certain reasons without basis- what? )
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
when people understand you, its painful. when people don't understand you, its pain in the ass.
either way, it doesnt make me feel comfortable.
cause there are no room for exploration, in both ways.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, October 08, 2007
have i forgotton or was i just pretending to be okay.
i was thinking about this quote i seen on tv.
how being happy and finding the meaning of life cannot come together as one.
being truly happy means not being reminded of the past, mistakes and the things we've done and not obsessed with changing our future, thinking about how we could shape our life later on. but in order to find true meaning of life, you need to do the opposite, to be able realize your mistake, repent. not living for the present, but living for the future. think its very true.
well, either way being any one of them is just equally fucked up because living for the moment is just sucidal, but living for the future means that you would be missing a lot of now.
i do think that when human starts to think, they become more stupid by complicating things up. cause probably i wouldnt even remember a single thing i wrote by tomorrow. haha, how lame can you be chanting about your philosophies.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Thursday, October 04, 2007
i rememebered i wanted to write something, but i kinda forgot especially after a twelve hour sleep.
man i feel so tired from yesterday, i seriously think i can be a better public relation officer than a economist. hahahaha.
i do think i am happy the way i am right now, am i. everytime we make a choice, we tend to regret not to make the other choice. everytime when we make a mistake, we tell ourselves not to make the same mistake again, BUT - this is so wrong, cause we always make the same mistake over and over again.
yes darwin why are you grumbling again. i guess thats the one thing that never changed.
it felt really great to have someone to lean on. i shall go back to my life again.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, October 01, 2007
a few updates in my life.
VERY VERY IMPORTANT UPDATES
1st. my laptop hinged cracked, i think its a sign from god that i should just now sit on the chair and use my laptop like how normal use instead of freaking lying on the bed and using it. note that i have been doing that for a year, and it has given me such a bad back problem if i don't fix it now my mother would probably kill me.
2nd. MY IPOD IS FIXED! ( its not fixed, i just moved it to my imac )
3rd. Did anyone tell you that how useful a macintosh can be ?
4th. im a starbuck freak now, i visit starbucks with my friends like at least 4 - 5 times a week
5th. i lost the meaning of life, but it made me happier that way. guess its temporary solution in in .. in i don't know how to continue.
and the rest are rather insignificant ! and i love my car even more than normal.
i love my friends too. ( yeah it has always been that way ) HAHA yeah right
nah the last line is rather contradictory. sometimes what you want in a friend, can do more harm to you then it can benefit you. expectations comes disappointment, so does favors and gratitudes from people.
i guess thats what people say, there is always a price to pay for everything. friends come and go, who will stay we still don't know. i been on this earth for 19 years, met people that are weird, fucked up, loyal. but all this traits doesnt matter - why?